Finding The Right Button; or, How To Sink Your Own Ship

07 Aug

So you all know that school is coming up. Even if you’re not in school still, you have to know; it’s kind of hard to miss the gigantic display in the middle of the Wal-Mart supercenter or Target or wherever you shop that says, in loud, bold, bright blue letters, “Back To School Supplies Here!

So really. Unless you’re living in a cave with no wireless connection or on Pluto, you should know; children everywhere are panicking.

It’s that delightful time of year when kids are almost excited about school, but just to spite their parents they put on a grimace and practically growl anytime anyone says anything like, ‘You’ll be in ninth grade this year!’ or ‘Do you have all your books for your classes?’ or ‘You need another scholarship to cover your dorm, hon.’ These are all phrases we have most likely heard at one point or another in our short journey. And, at one point or another, we all snarled, ‘Whatever, Mom’ right back to those cheerful words.

So getting ready for school? Cake. Getting new clothes? Exciting! Buying some notebooks? Super cheap. Finding some awesome dorm room decorations? A challenge. Getting appliances for the dorm? Let you parents do it!

Buying textbooks? I’m going broke.

That’s how it is every year; people get all excited about school and going back to college…until they see the price of their books for the semester. That’s right; not even the year. The semester. Then the REAL panic sets in. There are calls of ‘ohmygosh I can’t afford that!’ and ‘This is highway robbery…in broad daylight!’ and those calls are true.

Seriously. If you want to know just how much the average college student spends on books, just do a search for a science or math book for, say, Biology or College Algebra. It’s scary to see how expensive those heavy pieces of useless information are. I mean, we go to class, listen to the professor speak for forever, then we leave and do busy work, which usually consists of looking up answers on the internet [because it’s easier than using the book’s index] or asking a friend [because it’s easier than getting out a computer]. That’s just the way it goes. Most college students [if asked by a peer and not a professor] will admit to not even having opened their books.

So finding a cheap, used textbook is important to us poor, broke college kids. That’s why we use the internet and all of its amazing sources; Amazon, eBay, marketplaces, etc.

But still. You get everything in that cart, you press ‘place order,’ and you watch as your bank account slowly [sarcasm…quickly] runs toward zero.

Hitting that ‘place order’ button is like firing a cannon at your own sailboat. It’s like shooting your own horse–even when it’s not lame. It’s like eating all your food in only the first day of a fortnight-long blizzard.

In other words, it’s suicide.

But it can’t be helped.

So someone save us…us college kids…

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Posted by on August 7, 2011 in Uncategorized


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