Hello, neglected Rebkers. How goes the…living of life?
I know, for me, life is much better than it was a five days ago, even though I am now sick and working more than before [a hard feat, indeed]. The reason for my jolliness is simple; finals have come and passed, and I did not flunk out of school, nor did I lose my scholarship. Praise the Lord!
I actually wanted to use this blog to talk about something that I fear I don’t talk about nearly enough: How great God is.
Am I right?
I know this isn’t ‘popular’ or whatever, nor is it going to garner me a huge following here in the blogverse, but I really couldn’t care less. The only thing that matter is what He thinks, and I want to show that that’s what I believe–which is something I sadly neglect talking about.
Without God, I would not be where I am. I know people say that kind of thing a lot, but I’m completely serious. I could make this comical, but I won’t; I’m going to go the so-serious-I’ll-depress-you route. So warning, if you don’t like reading serious things, feel free to leave now. I won’t care or be offended.
My first two years at college were…not the best. I mean yeah, they were fun and everything while I was going through them, but in retrospect I was lacking in a lot of areas. 1) good friends, 2) respect for my school, 3) deeper relationships [instead of shallow ‘friends’], and 4) motivation and actual care for what I was getting into.
4) I realized early on that I was in the right major; English all the way! but that didn’t mean I really enjoyed my classes or participated in them or, you know, did much about them. This past semester I’ve been so challenged to step it up a notch and be an actual student instead of just an onlooker. Caring about a subject is what makes it so amazing, not the subject itself. That’s confusing…put it this way. If I was a math major, I would hate it because I don’t care about math. If I cared about math, though, and about doing well in that area, I would love the classes and learn all I could from them! Does that make sense? Passion for something makes it worthwhile.
3) I realized last semester [aka spring 2011] that I had a lot of skin-deep relationships with my friends, and that really bugged me. I don’t like it when people just run by and say ‘how are you’ without waiting for an answer [and actually caring what that answer will be]. When a friend of mine went through a rough time, I realized that I had been neglected the getting-to-know-you part of our relationship and had stopped caring what her answer would be. When I came back to that relationship and worked harder at caring, I enjoyed being around my friends more. Even though a couple of my friends don’t care what my answer is, I care what theirs is, and I try to let them know that. YOU know that, right? I care about you!!
2) I…am not the biggest fan of my school. I mean, it’s not like I absolutely hate it and can’t stand to be there at all. It’s just that my first couple years there were not the best. A couple of things happened early on that made me lose respect for the school, but I realized over my amazing summer [and this past semester] that you can always earn respect back. There are still areas of my school that I dislike, but I learned a lot about what the school is about–and what its aim is.
1) In case you didn’t know, I’ve had friend problems since I can remember having more than one friend. So not that long, really…no, just kidding. I love the people who surround me, but I’m really not very good at socializing and getting outside of my own zone–especially if the people on the other side don’t try. I usually have a small but close group that I hang out with continually, but since college and the junior-high level drama it has produced, I have discovered that keeping a small group is not the best idea. Yes, having a few [or two…you know who you are] really close friends is a good idea. You always need a vent friend, as well…sorry, Laura; you’re the bestest! and a problem-solving-nerd friend [Alicat, dearest]. I really should draw a chart for this. There’s the hardcore, then the stuffing, then the inner rim, then the outer crust. Make sense? That’s what I’ve developed. Then there are those floaters who you talk to occasionally and you know them but they’re not your buddies. Phew.
All that to say…this semester and summer have been SUCH a growing experience. I’m thankful to every single person who is in my level-of-friendiness-chart. I’m thankful to people for proving that respect is an always-moving thing, and you can always gain it back. I’m thankful for God showing me, two years later, that I just might be in the right place. Although I don’t know why I’m here or for how long or what I’m supposed to do till I figure that out, I’m so glad that I finally feel like I fit something. That’s a strange feeling sometimes, that belonging. I’m thankful to everyone [and God] for the growing you’ve helped me–or forced me–to do over this year.
I’m sappy…I’m getting all teary-eyed.
I less than three you guys.
Have a good Christmas, and hopefully I’ll see you between here and the new year.