I just recently read a blog by one of my best friends, Ali. She wrote this wonderful blog about how she expected things to be a certain way. You know, when you’re a little kid, it seems like you should know exactly what you’re doing when you get to be 21. It go me thinking about planning for a future you can’t predict.
I know I did. If I didn’t have it written anywhere or clearly mapped out, I had talked to my friends about it, we’d gone over everything we wanted to do and be and become. I knew I was going to be married by 19–that’s when my mom got married, and if she did it then, then I would, too. It’s only right for the child to follow in the steps of the mother, right?
Well, here I am, 21, and not even dating someone. That’s a little hard to swallow. If I could go back and tell my young self that I’m not married, I think I would be in denial. It’s crazy to think about all the things you were supposed to have done by now…and haven’t. It’s weird to think that, at one point, I thought I had everything figured out, no questions to ask. I thought my life by now would be perfect and fairy-tale-like, without anything to do, nothing to get better.
Having set such high goals when you were just a kid can be hard to follow up on. I mean, I definitely met some of my goals. I’m still playing sports–if not for a team, at least for fun. I know how to have fun, I have several people I consider life-long friends, I will never lose the relationship I have with my parents, etc.
One goal I knew, for a fact, that I would have done by now was getting married. It came as a little bit of a shock to me when I passed the age my mother was when she got married and I was still single. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with being single, but there is when you expect yourself to not be single.
It took me a couple extra years to realize something. That goal that I set for myself was unrealistic. No, let me correct that. It was definitely realistic. That easily could have happened, but here’s the thing about that dream that I didn’t realize when I was ten, twelve, or sixteen; It’s not up to me. I definitely have something to do with it, but ultimately where I am now was not my direct choice. God led me on a path so completely different than the one I had planned out ten years ago. He gave me a life I never could have dreamed of. He’s given me amazing things.
But here’s the thing; If I’m really trusting Him and doing as He tells me, I will probably never know what my next step will be. Not until He lays the path directly in front of me. Being 21 and single may be something I hadn’t planned on, but it’s what God has for me right now. And to be honest, going into my senior year of college with two jobs swinging in the balance and an uncertain graduate career is terrifying–without the thought of having anything else to keep up. It’s going to be a hard year, but I know one thing for sure.
Whatever my road this year, God has a plan for me. It may be different from my plan, it may involve some insanity and spontaneity, but it’s going to be a good year. I believe it.
And if trusting God means letting plans and goals go to make way for newer, better, bigger, more godly ones, then I’m ready for that.
I can’t wait.