It has been a very long three months. A very long, hard, sad three months, with a lot happening in my life.
I’ve been trying for a very long time to figure out how to put into words the things I’ve been feeling, dealing with, and thinking about. It’s odd to me how easy it is to think something and yet how hard it is to say it out loud.
In any case, I’ve had something that’s been pressing on me that I’ve wanted to put into words, and this is really my best attempt.
God is amazing. I’ve been taking things for granted for far too long, and even after everything that’s happened in the last three months, six months, year, two years since college, I still haven’t quite learned this lesson.
I think that sometimes, when we ask God for things, He teaches us the lesson by making us learn it the hard way. I asked for patience when I graduated college, and I’m still waiting on the ‘right’ job. I’m still waiting on the ‘right’ man. God is teaching me to be patient by teaching me to wait.
So maybe when I ask God for friends, He shows me how incredible the friends I have already are; He shows me to appreciate what I have by showing me what I could be missing? I don’t know, maybe that’s a bad takeaway, but that’s one of the things I’ve been thinking lately.
In any case, I’ve started wandering around downtown Ville, standing in front of tall buildings and trying to feel small. I know that sounds weird, but for some reason, the feeling of smallness is comforting. It makes me feel like everything I’m living through is really only a passing breeze, strong enough to make my step falter but not nearly strong enough to knock me over. The ‘tiny’ feeling is something that makes me feel like there is, in fact, a bigger picture, a bigger thing God is working on in my life. That maybe, just maybe, I’m standing on the ground floor, and there’s a light on up on the fiftieth floor and someone is waiting for me to make it up there.
It’s a nice feeling, that there’s more than just me. It’s nice to think about sometimes, when you’re overwhelmed and feel like everything is crushing you.
I’m ready to get off the ground floor. There are fifty more stories waiting to be visited, fifty more stories to be lived.